The People Pleasers; Are They Our Obedient Children?

Is it worth the cost?

I went to do the usual afternoon dog walk in the park. It was a magical, beautiful, sunny day, and kids were having fun at the playground. Suddenly, a storm came by, and rain started to pour from the sky. I was so fascinated with the power of Mother Nature. The wind was so strong and amazing.

I decided to head back to the apartment where I lived at that time. When I got to the front door, it was wide open already. People were sheltering themselves from the heavy rainstorm and lightning strikes.

There was a boy, around 4 or 5 years old, and he had a small bicycle. He was crying his eyes out. He was in shock and despair. He looked like the storm had really scared him. He was just sitting on his bike crying and couldn't move at all. There were so many people trying to squeeze themselves into that small space, and the loud storm... with all that going on, that little boy didn't know what to do.

His mother was leaning against the door, holding it open for others. As I was patiently waiting outside the door to get in, the mother kept shouting to the boy to get out of the way so people can get in. He was in shock, in freeze mode. All he could do was cry desperately.

I felt really sorry for him. Nobody was helping him.

He needed help to calm down. He couldn’t handle the situation. He was under so much stress, and all that his mom did was keep shouting at him in such a rude way to move out of the way, and then she looked at me and smiled…like she had done it right.

I was really shocked to see this unfold. To see how dysfunctional our society is, how dysfunctional our family dynamics are, and just how much we are misunderstood even within our own circles.

That little boy needed so much emotional support and a loving, caring, calm mother in that situation... A mother who would prioritize him over strangers. But she was much more concerned about other adults and about her image, making sure other people didn’t judge her for letting her son stay in the way. Because that would be unacceptable, right?

WRONG!

All I could think about was that I am going to write about this because people need to hear this story.

That little boy has just as much right to occupy space as you and I do.

We grown-ups are NOT SUPERIOR to CHILDREN.

They should be treated and spoken to in equally nice and respectful ways, just as we should treat and speak to one another.

And I could tell he was a boy who got told to say sorry for everything and other people have more right to do things than he does. He was the servant; he was the belittled person who needed to say sorry for breathing. He was the child who would most likely develop anxiety later on in his life because of the deeply ingrained shame he feels. And there is no doubt he is trained to be and become a perfect people pleaser. This is a direct message to your child that all of his actions need to be accepted and allowed by others.

THEY SHOULD NOT!

Parents who teach their children to always think about other people’s reactions first are actually destroying their kids gradually.

These kids will have anxiety, feeling way lesser than anyone else; they will be the shy ones who are afraid to do anything they would enjoy because they are scared of the judgment of people around them. These kids will feel a massive lack of acceptance; they will feel rejected by others, lack of self-love, and have no courage at all. They will think that there is something wrong with them; as a result, they will struggle to integrate into any group of people and will be unable to be themselves.

It’s a VIP ticket to an unhappy, miserable life.

Every child and adult has the right to occupy space, to speak up about their emotions, and to be exactly who they are. Nobody needs anyone else’s permission to be themselves.

There are so many people out there in the world who cannot fully relax and enjoy even a holiday because they are constantly worrying about the world, who, Oh, if I do this, is that right?

The more you worry, the more you are a people pleaser, and the less you are able to enjoy your life.

But more importantly, the more you drift away from your true, authentic self.

There are millions of children and millions of adults who fall into this category.

But, I want you to know that ….

YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE YOU, AND TO BE LOVED FOR IT!

Bianka Varnai